


Evening, April 12th

by Fanfic_Annie



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotions, F/F, Feelings, Intimacy, LGBT, Making Out, Missing Scene, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 20:31:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14922338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfic_Annie/pseuds/Fanfic_Annie
Summary: Charity and Vanessa make up in private after their public make-up in the bar.





	Evening, April 12th

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write about the proper make-up after their break-up, when they were in private. And how they really felt about what had happened. Plus, I love exploring Charity's psyche.

This is her safe place. It always has been. The place where she can wrap herself up, protected from the world, and lose herself in daydreams and longings. Comfortably anchored, marshmallowed in her feather duvet, head sumptuously resting in soft pillows. 

Her safe place, where she can linger in the expanse between wakefulness and sleep, meandering into the realms of fantasy, drifting semi-consciously from what she knows, to what she wants and what she wishes. Choosing a starting point and then giving her thoughts free rein, letting them wander in whatever direction they fancy. Taking her gently by the hand and leading her softly to a place where life is how she wants it to be. Where she is free and unconstrained, with no past and no future. Just the now. Where no one can reach her. Where no one has hurt her. Where she can be whoever she wants.

She likes being alone in her safe place. Then she can spread out, stretching voluptuously, greedily filling the whole bed. Or scrunch herself up small, a tiny speck wound up tightly in her own body.

It's not always been just hers though. With someone else there it becomes a different place. She didn't always mind sharing it, on occasion she even enjoyed it, but it's not her safe place then. It is somewhere else. Somewhere dangerous, thrilling. Somewhere she could play many different roles, but never herself.

Now, though, something has changed. Being there alone doesn't seem to cut it any more. Doesn't fill her up as it used to. Something is missing. She feels incomplete and the emptyness within her comes back, although a different shape than it was.

Somehow, at some point, having Vanessa in her bed made it safer still. The feelings of worthlessness, of fear and loathing, that shroud her consciousness are pushed away when Vanessa is with her. The demon voice telling her to protect herself at all cost, to get them before they get you, beomes quietened, replaced with a soft whisper, murmuring maybe, just maybe, there's another way. What comes then are better feelings. Feelings she had only dreamed of. Connection. Completeness. Love. Those feelings still her heart, relax her chest and calm her soul. And let her breathe.

She has felt that ever since the first time they came together. She told Vanessa when they were locked in the cellar that night that the small blonde was too much of an easy target to catch her attention and play her cruel games with. But that wasn't true. Actually she didn't want to attack her. She felt no desire to engage Vanessa in any of her nasty tricks and taunting behaviours. Vanessa thinking badly of her wasn't something she wanted to contemplate. The thought of hurting her made her catch her breath. And she wasn't sure she had ever felt that before. About anyone. 

What she discovered that night, when their initial sniping had died away and they started to spend the time talking, exploring each other's lives, was that Vanessa saw her. She burrowed beneath Charity's hard exterior, intuiting that it was an armoured shell protecting something warm and good underneath. The person that Charity knows is there and wants to be but has never had the chance. Vanessa looked at her and spoke to her as if she was that person. Not the other one. And in response Charity wanted to bare her soul to Vanessa. She had an almost uncontrollable urge to tell her the truth. To open the boxes in her mind that were so tightly closed and deeply hidden, keeping her pain almost out of reach. She wanted to fling them wide and confess all, just to hear Vanessa tell her that it was ok, that she was ok, that it was all all right and that the person Vanessa sees is the real her. 

And that's why she kissed her. Sure, she dressed it up in attitude and bravado, but really she had no choice. She needed to feel Vanessa's lips on hers. To taste the honesty and truth that lived there. To be a part of it even if only for a fleeting moment. To believe, for an instant, however foolishly, that it was all true and that far off person was real. 

And Vanessa has continued to see her in that way. She refuses to give credence to any other stories about her, even when Charity tells them herself. She sees the difference between what she does, has done, and who she is, and Charity loves her for it. 

They are there now. In Charity's safe place. Together. Smooching softly. Charity is lying on top of her lover, feeling the exquisite sensations of their skin touching in all the right places, cocooned in the secure and comforting down of the duvet. Perfection. What would have been perfection yesterday. But now something is different. The peaceful serenity that characterises these moments lingers just out of reach.

She breaks away from Vanessa's lips and raises herself up on her elbows, staring down into those deep blue pools that reflect her love so perfectly. But Charity is not smiling. 

"You hurt me."

Vanessa focuses, her clear eyes meeting Charity's green ones earnestly, understanding the gravity of the words. For all Charity's anger, her cruel words and spiteful behaviour, it was all to mask the pain.

"I know." 

She doesn't apologise, she doesn't stutter or look away. She meets Charity's gaze with candour and strength. It is possibly the bravest thing Charity has ever seen. 

Vanessa owns it. She doesn't try to excuse or explain herself, to justify what she did. She doesn't shift the blame elsewhere or even push it back onto Charity to make her feel like it was her fault. She just looks straight into Charity's eyes and acknowledges the pain she has caused. 

Charity knew then that Vanessa understood the magnitude of what she had done. She had taken Charity's deepest darkest secrets, the flashes of truth and vulnerability that Charity had allowed her, and only her, to see, and tried to expose them to the world. And at that moment, Vanessa hadn't seen her. She didn't notice the vulnerable teenager trapped at the mercy of a monster. She didn't hear the words or feel the terror that sat beneath them. In that instant, when Charity needed her the most, she had failed her.

And in that moment, looking down at the open and trusting soul lying beneath her, Charity forgave her. And, if it were possible, she fell in love a little bit deeper. Vanessa's admission of her own imperfections allowed the distance that Charity sometimes felt between their lives to reduce slightly. Perhaps they were more alike than she had thought. Perhaps they had a chance. Perhaps.

"Don't do it again" she said, her voice low and raw. Vanessa held her gaze, unwavering. Then she blinked, a tiny movement with vast significance. An acceptance of the moment, of the request and of the shift in their relationship.

Charity stared at her a moment longer, then a faint smile caught the corners of her mouth.

"Come 'ere...."


End file.
